The roles to meet our needs

Every person is born with needs that must be satisfied at certain stages of life without demanding anything in return. A child (and a baby) wants to feel loved, significant, and rewarded. It is important for him to feel pride and care unconditionally. In adolescence, the most important need becomes connection with friends, parents, and relatives. Well, as an adult, it is important to feel safe and be visible.

If at some point in time the needs are not satisfied, or certain conditions are imposed to ensure them: for example, “I will buy you the thing you want if you are good”, “parents praise you only for good grades”, “I will be friends if you do me a favor”, etc. In a person’s subconscious, beliefs are formed that in order to get something, he needs to make an effort. Often, these efforts force us to be different from who we are. Gradually, that otherness begins to dominate, and we begin to not understand what is happening to us, because we do not recognize our own behavior, we feel that we are acting contrary to what we would like, but we cannot change anything, circumstances seem to happen by themselves. Behavior becomes toxic, and we ourselves constantly strive and try to control situations in which we seek benefit for ourselves.

It often happens that we reach extremes and become hostages of certain roles. If you notice, in families where needs are not met from an early age, four roles are observed: the sick, the rebel, the perfectionist and the caregiver. The sick person constantly faces health problems with which he tries to draw attention to himself, thus demanding love and care. The rebel constantly gets into unpleasant situations, from which he also needs help to get out, and tries to get attention with his intolerable behavior. The perfectionist always does everything perfectly and receives praise for it. Realizing that he cannot do something perfectly is the greatest tragedy for him. Meanwhile, the caregiver takes care of all the other roles - he has to nurse the sick person, pull the rebel out of unpleasant situations. In this way, he also receives attention and satisfaction for himself. Roles choose us automatically because our subconscious has recorded situations in which we felt our needs were met. Based on this, our behavioral pattern is formed.

Toxicity is often the first to be noticed by those around us, because such behavior becomes normal in the family. We try with all our might to please, to be liked, to seek recognition, often even after leaving the family circle, we look for a partner who would correspond to the behavioral model formed in the family. We simply cannot imagine it any other way, until one day something starts to satisfy us, we burn out, we get depressed, or our body shows us in other ways that we are not living the way we should.

To get out of this, we must tell ourselves that we are behaving toxicly and that we must change. Hypnotherapy can help change beliefs, which allows us to more quickly identify the moment and cause of the problem. And rewrite those beliefs that have accompanied us since childhood. If we change our beliefs, we will soon notice how our behavior changes and we become different. We are adults and are capable of changing our thinking and behavior. We just have to want to do it and do it, even if it is small steps, but constantly.